


I Can Only Hold You Before Dawn

by ItsyTwistedSpinne



Category: A Crown of Candy - Fandom, Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: (i think), A lil OOC, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hidden Relationship, I AM A MESS, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idk what to tag this with, Light Angst, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Pre-Canon, Secret Relationship, Yearning, grasphing at All the straws, idk these characters aren't canonically in love, me writing this: oh they are in love huh, not married tho, so my ace/aro autistic ass is just, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24017056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsyTwistedSpinne/pseuds/ItsyTwistedSpinne
Summary: In a night they have to themselves, Theo visits Lapin. They are soft. That's it. That's the fic.
Relationships: Lapin Cadbury/Theobald Gumbar
Comments: 14
Kudos: 74





	I Can Only Hold You Before Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everyone!!  
> There are Two (2) things that I think are important to note about this fic:  
> 1 - This was the fourth night this scene decided to keep me from sleeping, so I finally caved and wrote it.  
> 2 - I started writing this listening to Mitski, which eventually turned into Dodie, and finished with Hozier, which I think explains a lot.

Theo was standing in Lapin’s doorway. Lapin was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at him. He presses his lips together, and closes his eyes as he swallows and sighs. With his eyes still closed, he quietly, almost a whisper, says, “Please.” There is a short pause and a quick furrow of his brow. “Please come here.” 

Lapin’s eyes still haven’t opened, but he can hear the faint sounds of Theo’s footsteps. He finally looks up again when the bed shifts and creaks. Theo is now sitting too, body turned to face him. One of his legs is bent and resting on the bed, the other dangling. Lapin turns to look at him, and almost immediately looks down. He feels as though there is something to glean from the fact that despite being together for years, Lapin  _ still  _ has trouble meeting Theo’s gaze when he is able to look at him like this. That the weight of Theo’s all encompassing love was too much for him. That he still is overwhelmed with how deep it is, and how much he feels he doesn’t deserve it. 

Eventually, he manages to distract himself with the reminder that he is one of the only people that ever sees Theo out of his armor.  _ It makes him look softer _ , Lapin thinks. He says “I’ve missed you.” Lapin hears a small, sharp inhale. 

“I’ve missed you, too,” Theo said, voice slightly stilted. Lapin feels a hand on his shoulder. In these precious moments, both are very aware that they see each other, interact with each other, almost daily. And they are both very aware that it doesn’t matter. How much they are around each other during the day  _ doesn’t matter  _ because they still ache for each other. The two still feel hollow. The barbs they exchange aren’t real, not the way other’s living in the castle think they are. Instead, the slights and taunts are more like hidden messages. Cutting remarks about Lapin’s rambling carry undercurrents of  _ I wish  _ **I** _ could be the one listening _ and calling Theo “A large goon” isn’t at all serious. 

No, the words themselves don’t hurt. Not anymore at least. Rather, the fact that they are so close together, yet so separate, is truly what causes the ever present dull pains. It strikes Lapin how different Theo’s eyes are in those fake arguments. They are so closed off, and partially hidden to onlookers because of the helmet. It doesn’t matter, not to Lapin anyway. He knows Theo,  _ understands,  _ in a way no one else does. And, because of the many years they’ve spent together, Lapin can see the guilt. He can see the guilt that Theo carries. It makes Lapin’s heart hurt, knowing that guilt is a burden they both carry, but can’t share. He hates that Theo is suffering, and that there is nothing he can do. (It does make him feel better that there isn't any guilt when they interact like this.) 

A hand softly, slowly, rests on Lapin’s cheek. He can’t help leaning into it. His own hand reaches up to rest on the outside of Theo’s, and he marvels - not for the first time - how much bigger Theo’s hand is. When they hold hands (his mind traitorously whispers the unnecessary _when they can_ ), his hands are dwarfed by Theo's. He tilts his head to lightly kiss his palm, then moves Theo’s hand to kiss each finger tip. As he does so, Theo’s other hand rests on his shoulder. 

“Come closer.” Theo says it as a request, not a command, longing clear in his voice. “Let me hold you.”

“Okay.” He moves forward, all but collapsing into Theo’s chest. His head now rests in the crook of his neck, so he breathes in deeply. Arms come up to hug him close. It is so, so gentle. He curls into the other, small and vulnerable. No one else has seen him like this. No one else is allowed to. Lapin clutches at Theo’s shirt. His hand finds two things. One being a strong - comforting - heartbeat, and the other being a chain that has a ring hanging off it. Lapin grabs his matching necklace, and tries to slow his own heartbeat. As Theo holds him, he breathes, and their hearts beat in sync. 

They stay like this for a bit, just breathing each other in. Lapin is the first to pull away, and Theo let’s him, arms still lightly wrapped around him. He is still in his lap, still held. The look in Theo’s eyes is still so raw and kind and loving that Lapin’s breath lightly hitches. Theo leans forward and kisses Lapin’s jaw, then chin, then cheek and then the corner of his eye, then his forehead and then the tip of his nose. An arm is still holding his back, while another has made its way to his ears. Lapin laughs, quietly, and with traces of sadness. Theo lightly rubs the base of an ear, and it makes Lapin melt. 

“I love you. So, so much.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Lapin loops his arms around Theo’s neck, and lightly pulls him in for a kiss. It is soft, short. Lapin’s eyes close once again, and he leans in for another. This time is just a chaste as the first, just as sweet, but they don’t stop until they need to breathe again. 

Lightly, in a way that is asking - not telling - Theo tugs on Lapin to get him to lay down. They get under the covers, and he presses his back to Theo’s chest. A thumb brushes the back of his hand in small and soothing circles. 

It is undoubtedly late. However, they don’t sleep. These moments, these stolen hours are so few and far between that neither dares  _ waste  _ the time unconscious. It is as though they are hoarding this time with each other, the little moments where they don’t have to act like they are at odds. The time where there are no walls or masks. The times where they can just bask in the feeling of being together. Lapin feels that without these moments, he would drown in his own longing and loneliness. These moments and memories are lifelines. 

Theo has to go to his room before anyone might try and awaken him or he has to get up to begin his duties. They both know that these hours before sunrise won’t last long. So, they lay next to each other, waiting, like always. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> If you have any thoughts let me know!!


End file.
